Memories of Now
by SilentlyDoomed
Summary: You wonder if its possible to miss someone you see everyday.You think it is. And she belongs to him now and its all your fault because you werent strong enough. And now she's gone...Forever...


**This was sort of depressing to write but I was in a depressed mood. It was inspired by Dictionary Ink and her two amazing Nejiten fics.**

**Falling Up ****And ****Liar, Liar, Right Neji?**

**Of course mine failed compared to her two fantastic works of epicness.**

**Anyways…..on to the sad fic…..**

**Disclaimer: if I owned Naruto then I would also own Neji and Tenten but I don't. Sad.**

Memories of Now

You remember when she used to be sad. You could see it in here eyes. And now those eyes are gone.

Just like her. **Gone. Gone. Gone**…..gone….

Because her body might be breathing and moving and talking and smiling but it isn't her.

She's dead.

Dead. DEAD. **DEAD.**

She died that day on the battlefield.

And again when she woke up.

But you still remember how she was before.

Before her smiles were actually real and there was no hidden sadness hiding in her eyes.

Before when she was cracked and broken but still liked to play pretend and act like everything was okay. When really it wasn't.

When your team had been damaged since the beginning and was still falling apart ever so slowly. Just like you knew her life was. But she couldn't and wouldn't do anything to stop it and neither would you.

You wanted to help but you didn't because somewhere inside you were too _scared._

Scared she would reject you.

But most of all scared that you would fail…..

Just like you failed at so many other things before.

Because you weren't strong enough. Which is why you spend all of your time training.

**Always.**

Nonstop even when it hurts you keep going because it still isn't enough.

It wasn't enough to save her because the enemy _still_ got her and she was still in the hospital for months and **months** and **months**

And you never visited because you felt too guilty because you knew it was your fault

But instead you just stayed in your room and did nothing

No missions no training

_**Nothing**_

Because you had fallen apart

Without her you _were_ nothing

But you were still better than you are now because then there was still hope

Now there is really truly nothing

She finally woke up and you were happy

You had _missed her_

The damaged smiles

All the games of pretend that weren't really games but real life

You missed everything about her

**Everything**

And when Hinata-sama told you, you went straight to the hospital

Right away

When you got to her room she was still sitting in her bed

She looked at you and smiled

You wanted to die because that smile made all the difference

It wasn't empty or impaired

It was real

An actual smile that showed that she was really truly happy

And later Tsunade-sama told you

For the second time that day you wanted to die. Die. Die.

Because she couldn't remember any of it

_Never again_

Not the times you and her had trained relentlessly

Or the missions

Or the times you both went out to eat with Lee and Gai-sensei as a team

Or even when you went with her to her parents funeral because it was the right thing to do

And for her sake _you_ didn't tell her any of it

None of the pain

None of the blood, sweat or tears

The two idiots agreed because they too thought she deserved a second chance

You wonder if they regret it now

You also know that they probably don't

They never saw her tortured looks

They too had liked to pretend everything was okay

Covering up all the ugliness with words of _youth_

Except they hadn't ever known just how _not _okay it was

You did

You saw her when she was miserable and only fragments of her were really there

You see her now she is cheerful and its **all your fault**

People thought you took a lot of missions before

And then you stopped but when she woke up and your life got **a thousand times worse** and everyday you just wished to die you started to take missions again.

Except its different now you don't just take one every few day you take them nonstop

Relentlessly

The cycle is **endless**

Because you'll never stop

Not until Tenten comes back

Not until your team has not only three shinobi but

Three Shinobi _and_ a **Kunoichi**

Even though you know that will never happen

Someday you'll probably kill yourself from all the work

Someday….

Someday….

She used to be your someday

You used to love her

You hoped that she loved you too

and someday you wanted

Well you don't really know what you wanted but it had something to do with her

Always

Always her

But that doesn't matter now because she doesn't even **know who you are **

And you wish she did

You regret the choice to keep everything locked up and sealed away

Because _**you miss her**_

You wonder if its possible to miss someone you see everyday

You think it is because you see her everyday even though she doesn't always see you

Your always with her

She's always with _him_

She belongs to him now

Her husband

And their kids

And when your not on your relentless cycle of missions your with her

Always watching her

You see her nightmares

Even during the day sometimes

In her eyes underneath all that joy and freedom you see just a touch of bitter sadness

You leave

Because its too much

That little bit of sadness makes her look just like she did before and its too much for you

So that's why now you stay farther and farther away

Far enough that you can see her emotions in her eyes anymore

And since she woke up and died you've only talked to her once

And she believed you when you apologized for accidentally walking into the wrong room

It was a lie

But at the same time it wasn't

You had been going to see Tenten

The broken lost girl that you loved

But when you walked in and saw that smile you knew it wasn't Tenten

It was someone else entirely

And that's why right now you stand at her grave

A simple rock with the name**Tenten **carved into it

Its empty because her body still moves

but her memories are gone and she is a completely different person now

No longer here

She is simply gone

…

…

…

…**I don't even know what to think about this one. It came out differently than I expected but I think I like it. I don't know**

**Please review**


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